Story time
Three years ago, I joined a new team with a mission to open up manufacturing data in a secure way.
My manager supported the goal.
He just didn’t mention that almost none of my stakeholders did.
In my first meetings I heard things like:
“It is not going to work.”
“We are not doing this.”
“This will cause more problems than it solves.”
And these weren’t people I could ignore.
They had enough influence to slow me down for months.
Fast forward three years...
We are considered one of the “favorite” internal product teams.
We get comments like:
“You resolved all of our concerns.”
“This is good work. Keep going.”
“You’re doing the right thing.”
I even meet people who already have a positive perception of our product before meeting us.
This shift didn’t happen because of a magic feature.
It happened because of trust.
A lot of it.
And while the beginning was painful, the trust we built then saves me so much effort now.
Why people block your work
When someone pushes back, it often feels personal.
Most of the time... it isn’t.
People resist because something in the situation threatens them.
These are the most common triggers:
- Loss of control - They feel decisions are happening to them, not with them.
- Uncertainty about outcomes - When they can’t predict the impact, the brain assumes the worst.
- Negative past experiences - Old project failures create “project trauma”.
- Threat to identity or expertise - Your initiative can feel like it challenges their domain or influence.
- Resource competition - Your project may look like it will pull attention, budget, or headcount away from theirs.
- Status quo bias - People trust what they know. Change feels risky, even if it is better.
And here is the key:
When one of these triggers activates, people go into protection mode.
Fight, flight, or freeze.
That’s why resistance often sounds exaggerated or emotional.
It’s not about disliking you.
It’s about protecting their goals, reputation, or team.
Once you see this, you can respond with empathy instead of frustration.
How to turn critics into champions (steps I used)
1. Listen and stay calm
Let them speak.
Don’t interrupt.
Ask clarifying questions.
Your goal is to understand, not convince.
Half of the resistance melts once people feel heard.
2. Find the real concern
The first objection is rarely the true issue.
Ask:
“What is your biggest worry here?”
“What outcome would feel safe for your team?”
Focus on the “what”, not the “how”.
3. Acknowledge their perspective
Reflect their concerns back to them.
“I see why uptime is critical for your operations.”
This signals that you take their role seriously.
4. Involve them in the solution
Invite them to design discussions.
Bring them into sprint reviews.
Ask for their input in areas that impact their domain.
Involvement reduces fear.
People support what they help shape.
5. Build trust through action
Deliver small wins that connect to their concerns.
Follow through.
Keep them informed.
Trust grows through consistency, not arguments.
Practically... your checklist
Here is a simple structure you can use with your toughest stakeholder.
1. Capture concerns
□ Summarize every concern you hear.
□ Send a quick recap email after meetings.
2. Sort concerns internally
□ Mark concrete risks (security, compliance, uptime, impact).
□ Mark vague fears (general resistance, unclear worries).
3. Design for the real risks
□ Bring the concrete risks to your team.
□ Discuss options to reduce or eliminate them.
□ Document decisions.
4. Reduce fear through involvement
□ Invite the stakeholder to a design session.
□ Add them to sprint reviews or demos.
□ Share early walkthroughs or drafts.
5. Create predictable communication
□ Set up a recurring sync (every 2–4 weeks).
□ Follow up each meeting with a short written update.
6. Close the loop with proof
□ Connect their original concern to a completed action.
□ Share evidence, not reassurance.
(And that’s it.)
