Hi Reader,

I don’t know about you, but product management can feel… stressful.

About a year ago, I realized I didn’t have a proper framework to deal with that stress.
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My method was:
→ Get consumed by the pressure
→ Work really hard
→ Hope the stress disappears

Then two medium-sized problems hit at once. And my mind? Completely spiraled.
That’s when I knew I needed a better way to handle it.

Luckily, I came across the book Unstressable by Mo Gawdat and Alice Law.
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And this newsletter is about the tools I learned — and now actually use.

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Today in 10 minutes you will:

• The TONN framework to understand your stress
• Real examples from my own experience
• Questions to ask yourself
• Practical ways to reduce stress as a PM
• How I journal to process emotions

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I’m not “unstressable” now — not even close.

I still break down. A few weeks ago, I lost it planning my 30th birthday party because I pressured myself to make it perfect.

But I’ve built a few tools to help me handle it better.

The TONN Framework

The book breaks stress into 4 buckets:
→ Trauma
→ Obsession
→ Nuisance
→ Noise

They focus mostly on ONN — because trauma usually requires professional help.
Luckily, I don’t carry trauma. Most of my stress is self-inflicted.

Let’s break them down:

• "What if I mess up? What if it’s never good enough?"
  These are thoughts that spiral and grow.
• Slack pings. Meetings. Overstimulation.
  These are in your control (mostly).
• "You’re bad at your job."
  "They don’t respect you."
  "You’re not doing enough."
  These thoughts feel true — but usually aren’t.

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Let’s apply it. Here’s mine:

Obsession:​
I believed my job = my value.
If I’m not doing well at work, I’m not interesting or worthy as a person.

Nuisances:​
→ Starting my day with emails and pings
→ Not taking breaks
→ Constantly checking my phone

Noise:​
→ “You’re not doing enough.”
→ “You don’t know how to fix this.”
→ Then thinking about it all night 🙃

Questions to Uncover Your TONN

• What’s the nagging feeling you don’t want to admit?
  What belief is underneath it?
• Walk through your day.
  What are your daily stressors?
  Which ones can you reduce or eliminate?
• Observe your thoughts for a day.
  What negative self-talk stands out?

🚫 Start by Reducing Nuisances

Here’s my personal list. Steal it if you want:

→ Don’t check messages first thing in the morning
→ Don’t spend your first hour on Slack/email
→ Don’t reply to pings immediately (unless urgent)
→ No multitasking — stay present
→ Take breaks between tasks (even just stand up)
→ Meal prep — hunger makes you anxious
→ Block mornings for focus work
→ Decline meetings outside of working hours
→ Commute too crowded? Try an earlier train

🔄 Questioning Obsessive Thoughts

The book shares 3 “anchors of sanity” to handle obsessive thoughts:

1. Is it true?​
   If not — let it go.
2. Can I fix it?​
   If yes — do it.
3. Can I accept it and still live well?​
   If yes — move forward with grace.

Most of my obsessions? Not true.
Like: Hard work = self-worth​
Not true. I’ve seen people work moderately and still be great humans.
Now when I feel the urge to overdo it, I pause. I remember why I feel that way.
Then I say to myself: That thought is not true.​
And I stop working late.

💬 A Note on Gender (Maybe?)

I’ve had conversations with many of my female friends, and this feeling of “I’m not enough” seems to come up a lot — especially when it comes to work.
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I don’t think it’s exclusive to women, but maybe we talk about it more openly?

Either way, it’s worth asking:
→ What belief is driving this stress?​
→ Is it actually true?​
→ And what would happen if you let it go?

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📝 Why I Started Journaling

One practice Unstressable recommends is journaling — not to be productive, but to clear emotional noise.

I started doing it. Just 10 minutes, free writing whatever’s on my mind.

Especially when I’m anxious, it helps me get thoughts out of my head and onto paper.
Once they’re out, they’re quieter.

Mo Gawdat says: our thoughts aren’t always true.
But when they stay in our head, they feel true.
Writing them down creates space to see them for what they are.

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Your Next Steps (if you need them)

→ Use TONN to name what’s stressing you
→ Cut 1–2 nuisances from your week
→ Try the “3 sanity anchors” for obsessive thoughts
→ Journal once — just 10 minutes

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Behind the Scenes

Last Sunday I realized: I no longer get Sunday scaries.

It used to be intense. Now… I feel okay.
Sometimes I even feel excited for the week ahead.

Why? I think it’s this: I stopped pressuring myself to be perfect.
Perfect at work. Perfect at sports. Perfect at meal prepping.

Is this what growing up feels like?

If yes, then finally. I was waiting for it.

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What do you think?

Did this newsletter help you reflect on your own stress a bit?

Hit reply and let me know — do you love it, hate it, want more of something else?

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Maria

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